Declaiming My Turf

This is a direct response to various Dudes and their collaborators who have made it clear that groping, touching me without consent is a compliment in their eyes. In their flawed logic, they think if I managed to give some Dude a boner, it is their moral duty to assert their power over my body. Or at least help them get off. Who cares what happens to my consent or choice? Many say, “Choice is overrated” and sometimes even unnecessary. Before I could fume my LadyBrain into bursting various capillaries, I realised most of these Dudes have no idea what it feels to be groped, manhandled, touched or experience more than just touching. It’s a part of the privilege their dangly appendage yields, “Ye shall always grab, but never be grabbed yerselves”. Probably the biggest ironies of the human race. Or maybe just about relatively bigger than the “How do so many people speak through their thighs with their head jammed so far up their arse?” question. Feel free to answer any one.

Without further ado, here is a poem I recently wrote after being groped complimented so hard that the bruises still hurt. Hopefully, this will be my last time explaining just why I don’t like such complimenting.


You may have forgotten me
Since that day,
Not so long ago when You
Said touching me was
in Your opinion a
‘Compliment’, ‘Sign of
Fucking respect’ and a
Gesture that You said I
Must learn to love.
Even if I didn’t, that wouldn’t
Make you stop anyway.

I seem to have to lost
My body the moment you
Ordained I’m lucky to be
Prodded, torn apart, broken
Handled in the way You see
Fit; which is worse than
than a grave covered with
Fine spit.

Out walks this fickle Lady,
Barefoot, untethered and crazy
To reclaim what’s left of her heart,
soul, breast, vagina and mind.
She will even take every little
Unglued part that you disposed off,
For it has become her mission to
Re-seek, Re-join and Re-fine(d).

I walked out on the road,
Not too far from my house
I found my womb set out loose.
I picked it up, saw its transparent Eye
Warm and silently accusing,
So I decided to just keep the plastic one
In its place, full of red and blue dye.

My breasts lay a little farther away,
The right mangled and slayed
Reminding me of a tortoise
Sans the shell,
to You it seemed akin
to your own personal hell.
I decided to leave the left one
to you, when You clearly derive
Much more pleasure than I do
Out of a glob of flesh.
Or perhaps two.

Those two adjacent lips
Were walking all by themselves
When I approached them, they
Said, “After He threw us away,
We’ve managed to become but one.
Wafting everywhere is the only way
we feel like we did once before
All this shoddy business was done”.
Though those unspeaking lips
Meant much to me,
I let them drift ashore.

My body stripped, bare, lonely
Seems to have lost its reason to
Ever feel alive or even remotely brave
Ever since that day,
You took it on yourself
To label, play and crave
This corpse that knows now
Only pain.

Not that you will ever know,
You can carry on living and touching
Wildly unaware that my skin got
Up and left after you did too
Leaving shards of sinew to cover
My heart’s eternal dew.


Adventure no.1: Seattle Space Needle

Howdy Folks!

Today I bring you the first of my newest post! Adventure! For this very first post of Adventure, I am going to show you and describe my day in Seattle, including the high-ride up into the Space Needle!

The Seattle Space Needle was constructed in 1963 for the Northwest World’s Fair.  < Citation needled.

Many events surround the Space Needle, as it is the pride of Seattle. The Pilots of the Blue Angels soar in circles around the tower. People base jump from the top (I actually have seen a few people do this, and one of them broke her ankle, haha.) It stands around 600 feet tall in total, however I went 520 feet for the 360 degree outlook. In the 1970’s, before there were safety guards built, three people committed suicide by voluntarily jumping from the outlook to plummet to their death. Others have attempted, however they were coaxed back inside by police negotiators. Such is the way of the world.

Although not as tall as other towers, such as the CN building in Toronto, the Space Needle gives us a great view of the entire region of Seattle, Puget Sound, and all around. I took a few pictures, so you may enjoy the view too!

After I took pictures, I decided to go into the Cafe located inside the outlook hobby. It was typical Starbucks ™ coffee, paninis, and other “fancier” foods. Also, they had Select Wines. I myself had the Panini with Southwest Chicken, and a “glass” of Chardonnay. Being that I was 520 feet in the air, it didn’t take but the glass to give me a buzz. It went down fast, dissolved fast, and entered my brain within ten minutes. This was when I took the descent back into the city streets. It didn’t take long for me to stop feeling so woozy. I did enjoy singing Trololo in public, however.

I greatly enjoyed the view of Seattle from the tower. Although it is nowhere near as tall as other structures, it is definitely something to be proud of. Well, except just how expensive it is. I do suggest going to the top, and perhaps eating at the restaurant at the 500 foot mark. It revolves slowly, so you can see all of Seattle while you eat. It is a comfortable speed, so that you don’t throw up food should you feel ill from spinning. I did not and have not been to this restaurant, although I hear it too is expensive, and lavished.

Well, without further delay, here is a small gallery of images I took while gallivanting around Seattle!

Getting Ready for Sakura-Con/Seattle!!!

This may come as a complete surprise to people, but perhaps not! Last year in April, I attended the Anime Convention known as Sakura-Con in Seattle, WA, USA. I dressed up as a Stalker based on the Russian/Ukraine PC Game, known as “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” I only saw three or four people who actually got the reference, but I wasn’t surprised. It is more of a Comic-Con or Penny Arcade Expo costume to have, but Sakura-Con is more fun because people WILL recognize me performing THIS DANCE:

This year of 2010, I was a lot more prepared than my adventure in 2008 when I “Costume Played” as “Real Life.” People thought I was mocking them, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t!! However, I am not exactly a HUGE Anime fan, but rather a fan of more pseudo-realistic Anime films and shows, such as Jin-Roh – The Wolf Brigade. In the future, there is a possibility that I might grow further into Anime. For right now, I enjoy teasing my good friend with references that he gets, but finds annoying that I know them.

Allow me to explain the usual “Sakura-Con.” Massive lines for registration, waiting an hour or more just to get a little pass worth $65 that says you can go all three days. After that, you walk around the hallways and see people dressing up in their costumes (which is good there are so many, because no one makes a fool of themselves.) Many of the people dressed up pose for pictures (which I had not so many of, because my costume wasn’t recognized well) and there are typical reminders of “Free Hugs” and “You Just Lost The Game” signs. Once in a while, there are fun things to do, however I just usually walk around and do a whole lot of nothing. This time it was because of how poor I was, though.

Overall, the experience was fun, but I would have had more good times if my ‘other’ friend who was our ride, didn’t want to leave early. This pissed off my weeaboo friend, and myself. We didn’t have a choice in the matter, at all. (Weeaboo, meaning an anime fan who isn’t japanese.) On the last day, my friend and I stayed for a little while, but we were tired for carrying all our gear. (Note to self: Do not replicate the whole 85lb Military gear next time. Although, I did lose 5lbs just walking for THREE DAYS.) When we were getting ready to wander around, a girl wanted a picture of me. Then after that, she came up to me, hugged me, kissed my cheek and said I was the most handsome guy at the Con. < True story, y’all. I was pretty damn handsome, I gotta say. Hell, I AM handsome, ALWAYS.

So what do I have in the works for next year? This year I am starting to prepare EARLY, like, 9 months ahead! Haha. I ordered a better toy gun (because I am such a ManChild.) I also ordered a true Sky Military BDU (Basic Uniform for Soldiers) that matches the Clear Sky soldiers in the pc game. I already have boots, which I am going to color black. This is the rest of my list:


  • Gloves
  • Plate Carrier Vest
  • Knee/Elbow pads
  • Gas mask/Respirator
  • Helmet
  • ALICE Pack
  • Backpack

Somehow I need to find a badge that represents “Clear Sky” too, but it will be difficult knowing that there was never any badges made. Pooh. Although with my awesome artful skill, I can find a way around this, easily. Here and there will be other small tidbits of details that can be filled in over time. There is no way that I am going to order all this junk in a single day! I want to spread it out evenly and make goals throughout the year. When I get my toy gun and the uniform, I will post an update!


Mowing the Lawn

Dear folks,

The title isn’t a metaphor regarding some silly event that has happened my life – it actually is about mowing the lawn.

This week I was told to mow the lawn – a chore that I abhor. /rhyme. Why? I have many reasons, dear reader!

As many of thou may or may not know, I am a Humanist, bent towards HumanProgress and expansion. Yet, I HATE mowing the lawn. Here is why.

How many homes for insects and other natural dwellers can we destroy with a single feel swoop of the push mower? Literally hundreds. Thousands, for the MicroOrganismInclined. Whenever I push the mower and cut grass, I see dozens or more insects and aphids rise from the ground and fly away in confusion.  Or, they fly onto me, and bite my skin! This usually leaves a welt, or some kind of bodily reaction that itches a lot. So, what really grinds me gears has to do with nature. Unattended grass looks beautiful, and the creatures that choose to eat the green weeds over our “precious” flowers is great. Not only does cutting the grass aid in letting nature die repeatedly, but it also makes the lawn look like a 12-Year Old’s new buzz-cut. Example:

Next is the smell… oh, the horrible smell! Why does fresh cut grass smell so awful? Because, the lawn has suddenly become the land of the DEAD. Probably the only benefit of cutting grass is harvesting what you cut off, and feeding it to the compost pile. It degrades into a very disgusting mush and bile paste that plants and flowers “love” to eat. Are you getting this, reader? Plants eat other plants of different variations. To grow. To live. To taste good… apparently?

What I really like in a front yard is utter chaos – Nature at its best. Example:

TopLeft: My back yard, or a portion of it. What you see there is wild Strawberries and grass over gravel.

TopRight: My neighbor’s field. The grass is three feet tall, and surrounds a barn used for storage. That small section reminds me of the pastures often displayed on “Little House on the Prairie.”

Although those neighbors mow that lawn once a month, it grows back at such a horrendous pace, I wonder if they have made it a hobby rather than a chore to cut it.  However if it were MY yard, I would never cut it at all! I see kittens running and frolicking, small field mice crawl into my back yard through the fence to eat the bird food, raccoons stalk the bushes, and birds enjoy the tall tree branches. I have even seen a few snakes in there.

There is a positive Humanist Advantage for letting your yard become a jungle, my friends. You see, plants and trees grow based on photosynthesis and breath carbon dioxide into fresh oxygen. The more of these plants that there are in your yard, you provide the atmosphere with air. Not to mention, you become quite popular with nature (see above: animals.)

Next to my house as a tall, fourteen foot high Ash that was growing onto the side of the house. It produced berries which the birds ate – alas, they are poisonous to humans. It was a beautiful tree, and though it was causing no threat to the house itself, my father cut it down because he feared having the tree become a hazard by other means. All that was left was a wee stump… Guess what is sprouting now?

As you can see, we cannot truly dominate nature. Animals might go extinct, people may die, but plants continue to thrive as long as they have roots! Hazaah! Go Ash, go! We as Humans MUST respect nature for all it is and can do to us. Literally, it can do a lot. What if trees just decided to use their anti-predatorial gasses onto us, so that we harmed each other? The Happening.

Short post is not so short, but I am going to let it go from here on. Long story short, I don’t like to mow the lawn, because Mother Nature can strangle to death what she brings to life.

Ramblings On Masculinity: Re-affirming The Female Gaze Or Trying To Anyway

This week as I lay hiatus-ing, I took it upon myself to dig through the annals of my journal to see if there was indeed any message from HigherPower present in my words, warning me that one day ‘this day shall come’, like a supposed self-fulfilling prophecy that a certain douche dude made about 20 years ago that, “Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream“. Lo and behold for exactly 20 years after we see Ugly Betty©! Thus my sudden need to go complete John Nash on my journals (sans the math of course). The above can also be read as an excuse to do something besides give my dog endless belly rubs or further procrastinating writing papers for a rewarding publishing factory that manufactures mass consent my college program. Or maybe I am just that far gone in the tutu circus. Anyway, my journals have been useless in the science of studying *me* for anything beyond drool marks and kisses around Plath and Gauri Deshpande’s names.

So, you are my witness dear BLOG! reading person, that I’ve never had any pre-anything on expecting that a certain Dude — Let’s call him Jerk # 256 for future reference — from the nooks of my life would come out to say to me, “You can’t write about men! Because you’re not one!”. With that premise, if I were to pull a Felicity Huffman stunt, you think all dude-ly insights will suddenly come running to my now transformed ManBrain in addition to being absolutely insensitive to trans-people? Don’t answer that, seriously. Let’s just pretend I can think like a ManPerson without the virtue of having a dangly appendage between my legs*. Or having the compulsion to scratch my nether regions in public for kicks. Or engage in any other stereotypical ‘manly’ behaviour, for no matter what commercials want us to believe, the key to manliness isn’t drinking peewater beer or using Axe deodorants. At least not where I hail from.

Masculinity as seen here, in the Orient as Said coined us, is basically constant dominance over the Other. The Other is just about anyone who refuses to conform to the norms of the KyriarchalMonster. In this case, even my dog falls outside the patronage of such a system considering I’ve raised him to rebel at everything. At least that’s what I keep telling myself when he’s chewed up yet another pillow. Kyriarchy’s first cousin, MonsieurLePatriarch has been controlling our lives from the day they realised we could be kept quiet, by force or otherwise, many moons ago.

As I sat discussing with Jerk # 256 just why is it important for us to break out of this silence and vicious silencing, he just snorted, saying, “Women like being like that. Besides, we’re all equal. It’s only you feminists who keep on harping about equality. Women today have as much sex as we do. What more do you want?”. It’s at times like these I wish I could have MindPowers that would make the floor part and eat certain CabbageBrainedMiscreants whole sparing me the loss of my BrainCells. Over the following days, I tried to speak to other MenPeople, hoping to get different answers. No matter how educated they are, they all come down to the idea that a woman’s sphere, essentially, is her womb. The rare MenPeople who believe in equal rights for all are either closeted Dudes whose concept of equality is too Orwellian to be any good or they are seen as outcasts, exceptions to the masculine, effeminate, castrated versions of their former selves. One even went as far as saying, “This notion of equality is very Romantic. The truth is, she stays at home and takes care of my children while I earn for them. Is it wrong for me to say sometimes¹ I should have the upper hand?”. At that moment I wanted to pinch myself to see if I’d magically been transported 500 years back in time, the only way this Dude’s definition of authority seems to fit the culture. And this quote is from a professor of Economics in one of the most popular colleges in the city! (I’d like to take a break to announce I Blame The Patriarchy for all this. That and the nincompoop-ish nature of people).

This idea that certain kinds of people — MenPeople– should have the upper hand over the Other hasn’t magically re-enforced itself, my history books suggest. There is a strong religious strain burdening silly LadyHeads for the better part of many centuries and then there’s this notion that is engraved on our bones the first time we question any power structure by our mothers, aunts, relatives, schools that “Boys are like that. You are not like them. Therefore you cannot do so and so“. Here gender either becomes your strongest or weakest asset depending on the presence or absence of the Y-chromosome. Some of the many things that become automatically open to me if I were a dangly-appendaged Dude are —

  1. Swearing in public
  2. Stating opinions without the danger of being judged against the tag of a ‘female mind’
  3. Drinking in public
  4. Having the freedom to choose multiple romantic partners
  5. Wearing whatever clothes I want without being afraid of being assaulted.

If I do all of the above while being a woman (in the current class and sect that I belong to), I’m the worst kind of woman roaming in the city. It helps to see masculinity as the glowering teacher constantly telling you to recite a poem when all you want to do is write one. And when you do end up writing the poem, it’s called the product of a deviant mind, too simple to actually amount to anything². It’d be foolish to underestimate this kind of conditioning as just ‘words’ or ‘ senseless notions’. Like Butler explains in Gender Trouble, most genders are constructed, performed. There is a visible need to elevate MenPeople over everyone else, perhaps as a a paranoid shield to the danger of becoming like a woman. I hear that it’s more contagious than rabies and the swine flu put together. A journal entry of mine dating back to 2000 (age 10) goes, “Everyone laughed at my short hair. But when boys wear their hair short, no one laughs at them. Maybe they think I’ve forgotten how to be a girl“. Similar words like these made my ‘tomboyish’ (what does this even mean!?) student grow out her hair, speak in the lowest of voices (as opposed to her earlier loud tone) and ‘becoming’ a girl in every possible way without ever being overtly told that she was a deviation from the norm of the ‘feminine’; rather the popular notion of the ‘feminine’.

At this point I should add, Jerk # 256 just said, “What frivolous ideas you have! Women wear short skirts and fu*k all they want! Isn’t that what feminism wanted to do?” after my long-ish rant as I took calming breaths, reminding myself murder doesn’t look too good on the resume too often. Once again, I’m defined on their terms; I don’t have the agency to challenge their definition of *me*, simply put. Not today anyway.

1 – Sometimes? Please.
2 – This happened to another student of mine.
* Deliberate. Indian masculinity is too full about that dangly appendage only. Hold the e-mails dear BLOG! reading people.

The Ultimate Battle of the Shlongs

Okay, okay, I know that men are known to fight each other and grab a beer after. Friends punch each other in the face, and laugh about it. They get a leg chopped off, and talk about it for weeks like a funny joke. Typical, right? For men?

Not for me.

I cannot stand fighting one bit! Fighting destroyed my relationships, my friendships, and even broke apart my family. Punching, hitting, and being aggressive isn’t in my playing book either. I yell to express my enjoyment of yelling, sure, but I have not called a friend a cum-guzzling faggot jew.  How come we guys do this? How is it accepted even? Mark my words and tone, for I am not homosexual. Okay, there was a period of time in middle school that people called me gay constantly, so I being very anti-social… wondered, hmm… am I really gay? But no, I’m not. Just ask my ex gf.. wait, don’t ask her. I don’t even want to think about her anymore. Oh, what horrors people can do to each other. Mind you, I hurt her as much as she hurt me.

Moving on! The limitation to the whole “man fighting” thing that I partake is calling my good friends “fag” for purposes of messing around with them. “oh, that’s just horrible!” you might say, however… we don’t have any connection in our heads to someone being gay! Except, for some reason, today. (This was actually weeks ago.) My friend and I were trading names at each other, but somewhere he decided to use the humor that goes to extreme limits, and called me other horrible names. Although I got the humor, I didn’t like what he had said to me in general. < This was a complete shock to him. I avoided his long, long, LONG rant demonizing me and went straight to his dad. You see, my Xbox 360 was at his house at the time, and I felt it was a good time as ever to plan the great exodus of my gaming console to my house. This particular friend and I can’t actually discuss anything together. He has to play the BIGGER MAN always, and stand up taller than me to make a point, and the ONLY point possible which is his. Otherwise, we don’t talk for a few days if I continue to challenge him.

This is the Stigma of Men. As is said in Red Dead Redemption (Rock Star Games) By the Marshall, “Cowards in large groups are the most dangerous of all.” Allow me to make this statement to all men. Ahem. All men who share the same Stigma of always wanting power over the opposite sex,  your friends, family, race and sexuality, you are COWARDS. Cowards to the bone. Anger, violence, swearing, and hostility are all signs of fear, delusion and stupidity. For those reasons, I support feminists. How can modest women even battle against belligerent apes? Heh, before the trolls attack, women can be belligerent apes too… with extra fire from their periods.  < this is kind of a joke, I guess?

Simply, if a man wanted to be less of a coward, he would choose to negotiate and talk without switching to ARG, ANGRY mode. You know, talk. Express feelings, cry, and still be himself. [To the Dudes who would say “I’m not going to open up and be a fucking woman! I’m a MAN! ARG, ANGRY!” I have but one thing to reveal. Ahem. We are all women to begin with, the XY is a genetic flaw, XX is the greater sex in terms of genetic purity, as well as being genetically stronger. All in all, we’re a tragic mutation that will not last another 10,000 years. We’re SOL, men.] With that in mind, all I have to say to the angry Dudes who would be so frightened to share their feelings and get it over with is: stop being afraid of being vulnerable. What is the advantage of being greater than the opposite sex, or for that matter, the very same gender? < This question applies to both Dudes and Doe’s, actually.

Get it right: There is NO advantage! By engaging in conflict and fighting wars we have become farther from Peace than ever. Humanity is its own predator and prey. Soon we face the Apocalypse derived by MANKIND. People, this Earth is stable to support life. To support creatures of prey, and to support us! Why have we chosen to fight over what is granted to us as a species in a planet this tiny in a vast universe so unimaginably large?

Men, we fight. But why? Our history is a bloody lineage of life and death, violence and craving for lust. We have fought wars over women, gold, glory, god, and territory. All the different races of the world have only proven that Humans are the most adaptable creature on Earth. Let us begin to adapt to the NOW. Look at our technological feats, our tolerance and acceptance of world issues, and brave minds willing to challenge their fates and lives for the greater good of Humanity. Do people realize that the money spent on the Iraq War could have taken a space station to the moon? Put men and women on Mars? What about all the people being forced to create nuclear weapons of destruction? Nuclear power is possibly the key to space travel! American Aircraft Carriers are powered by Nuclear Reactors that only need replacing after decades! Imagine what we could do to ships in space? How many times must we face the threat of nuclear war because we are COWARDS before we brave our destiny beyond our planet?

How many times must men fight over one woman before they let her choose who she wants?

Once more, I do not appreciate the Stigma of Men who choose to fight. As by now, we can all tell. Will men change their minds and wills to accept that we need a change for ourselves? Probably not! All of humanity is far too afraid.

Marriage, and stuff

This Post is going to be re-written into something that is less of a pile o crap.